Our REAL enemies, ladies and gentlepersons
Aug. 6th, 2008 07:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyreneThere is a threat afoot by a far more vicious and sinister enemy than bad slash!fic disguised as satire, and that is... The Neopagan Agenda!
That's right, folks! The Neopagan Agenda is a threat to us all. Those Neopagans are stealing our words, our gods, our practices, and worse yet, our very SOULS!
The Neopagan Agenda is insidious and subtle. First they'll post to our forums demanding to be let into our sacred spheres of Pure Reconstructionism™. Then they demand to be recognized as HELLENISTS! What gall! What utter, utter gal! Those granola-humping, tree-hugging, solstice-honoring, magick-practicing HIPPIES have NO RIGHT TO WORSHIP THE GREEK GODS!!!!!!111
I've had enough of their Agenda--and you should, too! I hear that they're organizing en masse to steal our beloved Hellenismos from us and are forming a coalition. For what purpose? So that others will actually BELIEVE that good, pious Hellenists would actually create religious practices beyond the texts of such noble and esteemed academics such as Burkert, Dodds, and Otto and have gone as far as to READ THE WORKS OF THE ANCIENTS! That's right, they're poisoning their minds and others with Plutarch, Herodotus, and and Plato! What's next, using another calendar besides the ancient Athenian one?
The Neopagan Agenda is a miasma to our community! It is impious and un-Hellenic!
This message was brought to you by People Who Do Not Suck And Hate Granola And Cut Down Trees And Kill Small Furry Animals To Honor the Gods.
That's right, folks! The Neopagan Agenda is a threat to us all. Those Neopagans are stealing our words, our gods, our practices, and worse yet, our very SOULS!
The Neopagan Agenda is insidious and subtle. First they'll post to our forums demanding to be let into our sacred spheres of Pure Reconstructionism™. Then they demand to be recognized as HELLENISTS! What gall! What utter, utter gal! Those granola-humping, tree-hugging, solstice-honoring, magick-practicing HIPPIES have NO RIGHT TO WORSHIP THE GREEK GODS!!!!!!111
I've had enough of their Agenda--and you should, too! I hear that they're organizing en masse to steal our beloved Hellenismos from us and are forming a coalition. For what purpose? So that others will actually BELIEVE that good, pious Hellenists would actually create religious practices beyond the texts of such noble and esteemed academics such as Burkert, Dodds, and Otto and have gone as far as to READ THE WORKS OF THE ANCIENTS! That's right, they're poisoning their minds and others with Plutarch, Herodotus, and and Plato! What's next, using another calendar besides the ancient Athenian one?
The Neopagan Agenda is a miasma to our community! It is impious and un-Hellenic!
This message was brought to you by People Who Do Not Suck And Hate Granola And Cut Down Trees And Kill Small Furry Animals To Honor the Gods.
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Hellenic World Domination!!!
Date: 2008-08-07 03:38 pm (UTC)But I need to get back to my agenda of taking over the hellenic world. Specifically the recon one. They weild so much power that if I could only harness it, I could get my easy bake oven to work again. The takeover is a long drawn out process of annoying the recons until they fight. Like shaking up a jar filled with insects. Here are some fun ways to do it:
1. Reclaim the title of 'Hellmans Mayonaise'. If they can use it, so can you. even if you dont like mayonnaise.
2. Claim Aphrodite and Jesus are the same goddess. Who cares if you dont actually think it, it makes blood ooze out the recon pores...they hate it that much. Who cares that the ancients were quite syncretic...somehow in modern times we like to keep out pantheons seperate....like keepeing vegetable and meat seperate pon your supper plate.
3. Create a false yahoo id like PoseidonsSparkleHorse2203 and join random hellenic gorups. Ask about hellenic wheel of the year holidays. Wait for smoke.
4. Find random passages in Herodotus that back up your neopagan claims. Listed for the scrambling and sounds of page flipping for references to discredit you.
5. Post non work safe granola humping pictures
6. Make sure to use the word 'magick' alot, especially with regards to spells you did *with* Zeus, Hera, etc. Even if you didnt :)
7. Start up a CAFE press store selling 'What would pythagoras do?' tshirts
8. Use neopagan terms like shaman, totem, crystal, chakra, etc and relate it in one sentence to ancient hellenic beliefs. Try to use as many as you can in one sentence. If you can use at least 3, the awesomeness is apparent.
9. Snark for goodness sakes!
Re: Hellenic World Domination!!!
Date: 2008-08-07 03:45 pm (UTC)Win.