kyrene: (iHermes)
[personal profile] kyrene
There is a threat afoot by a far more vicious and sinister enemy than bad slash!fic disguised as satire, and that is... The Neopagan Agenda!

That's right, folks! The Neopagan Agenda is a threat to us all. Those Neopagans are stealing our words, our gods, our practices, and worse yet, our very SOULS!

The Neopagan Agenda is insidious and subtle. First they'll post to our forums demanding to be let into our sacred spheres of Pure Reconstructionism™. Then they demand to be recognized as HELLENISTS! What gall! What utter, utter gal! Those granola-humping, tree-hugging, solstice-honoring, magick-practicing HIPPIES have NO RIGHT TO WORSHIP THE GREEK GODS!!!!!!111

I've had enough of their Agenda--and you should, too! I hear that they're organizing en masse to steal our beloved Hellenismos from us and are forming a coalition. For what purpose? So that others will actually BELIEVE that good, pious Hellenists would actually create religious practices beyond the texts of such noble and esteemed academics such as Burkert, Dodds, and Otto and have gone as far as to READ THE WORKS OF THE ANCIENTS! That's right, they're poisoning their minds and others with Plutarch, Herodotus, and and Plato! What's next, using another calendar besides the ancient Athenian one?

The Neopagan Agenda is a miasma to our community! It is impious and un-Hellenic!

This message was brought to you by People Who Do Not Suck And Hate Granola And Cut Down Trees And Kill Small Furry Animals To Honor the Gods.


Date: 2008-08-06 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
See??? That's a secret poster advertising for the Neopagan Agenda!


Date: 2008-08-06 11:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


Date: 2008-08-06 11:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
YES! You got it!

Pray to the gods that they are unsuccessful with their impiety!!

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-06 11:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Especially since humanity hasn't changed one iota since ancient Greece. It's not at all possible that we now have much more to offer as worshipers and as people, or that some of the lost knowledge can be deduced from other schools of--

Wow. This font is REALLY TINY when I'm typing. I can barely read it. I bet this post is full of tyops.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-06 11:34 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-06 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I hate labels, but like everyone else, I have to use them. We have to communicate what is important to us, to others, and words are just about the only way to do that. Without these words, we couldn't learn or find others of like mind.

That being said, the currents of activity and tradition born from words have a tendency to calcify, don't they? I remember when "Recon" was a lot more flexible and open- but now, certain vocal groups within the "recon" world seem to have forgotten that they don't own words, or other people, and begun thinking that they own the term "recon" now. By owning it, they own the right to tell others when they are or are not "a good recon" or a "good pagan" or even a "good person".

Like all calcifications, value judgments become entangled with the word-game quickly. "Bad guys" are needed, and they are crucial to the success of the entire enterprise. The "neo-pagans" are the needful villains to the "recons", for their differences illustrate (by easy contrast) things that the recons think are important.

But therein lies the trap, the pitfall: the recons cease being anything other than "those people who aren't like the neos". They take to writing little or nothing about actual religion, and instead spend their time ripping on "the others". Their wedlock is complete; never can there be a divorce, for who are the recons, if not the crusaders against the dreaded fluffs?

"Recon" is hijacked. Even I hate to use the word sometimes, because some of the biggest "recon" names are right twits. They actually make the "fluffs" look COOL sometimes, and that's saying a lot.

I personally think the only answer to the label wars and the name games and the politics is found right were the problem began: language. We have to stop being so uncreative with language, and continually create labels with more and more subtle layers of meaning. "Recon" has either become meaningless now, or it has become subsumed into the ego-kingdoms of a few jackasses.

The response? I have seen groups of Celtic recons (or should I say, people with an interest in Celtic paganism being studied and revived, following models that are not based on popular new-age models) who refuse to call themselves "recon" and instead use other specific terms (most in Celtic languages) that specifically refer to their approach and practice. That way, there is no real confusion, and they are free to operate within the unique sphere that they have defined for themselves, in any way they see fit.

As I said, language is important, even though it has strong limitations. So we have to use language for all its worth, if we want to escape the trap of a few labels becoming accepted and then confused and then political. Many city-states, not just one kingdom.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-06 11:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think that the next satirical piece someone should write should be a crack!pr0n fic featuring a neo-pagan and a staunch recon.! C'mon, think of the angry hate sex!


But seriously, you're right. I used to use the term recon to describe my methology of practice until it was misunderstood, misused, and misinterpreted by others. Now I no longer do.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-07 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
And now my brain hurts.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-07 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I can't imagine I'll ever know what you taste like, because I have standards for what touches my tongue.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-07 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is all very meta.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-06 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Those Bastards!!!!!


(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-07 12:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'd respond to this, but I'm too busy humping some sweet, sweet granola. Ohhhh yes.

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-07 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

(no subject)

Date: 2008-08-07 02:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
They can't take your soul. You sold that to me long ago in exchange for me helping you down from that pedestal you're up on.

And I'll get around to that. Really, I will. I just need to go buy a ladder. Wonder if I can trade your soul for one....

Hellenic World Domination!!!

Date: 2008-08-07 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I am surprisingly upbeat this morning...perhaps becuase I just finished humping some good warm granola. Mmmm.....mmm!

But I need to get back to my agenda of taking over the hellenic world. Specifically the recon one. They weild so much power that if I could only harness it, I could get my easy bake oven to work again. The takeover is a long drawn out process of annoying the recons until they fight. Like shaking up a jar filled with insects. Here are some fun ways to do it:

1. Reclaim the title of 'Hellmans Mayonaise'. If they can use it, so can you. even if you dont like mayonnaise.

2. Claim Aphrodite and Jesus are the same goddess. Who cares if you dont actually think it, it makes blood ooze out the recon pores...they hate it that much. Who cares that the ancients were quite syncretic...somehow in modern times we like to keep out pantheons keepeing vegetable and meat seperate pon your supper plate.

3. Create a false yahoo id like PoseidonsSparkleHorse2203 and join random hellenic gorups. Ask about hellenic wheel of the year holidays. Wait for smoke.

4. Find random passages in Herodotus that back up your neopagan claims. Listed for the scrambling and sounds of page flipping for references to discredit you.

5. Post non work safe granola humping pictures

6. Make sure to use the word 'magick' alot, especially with regards to spells you did *with* Zeus, Hera, etc. Even if you didnt :)

7. Start up a CAFE press store selling 'What would pythagoras do?' tshirts

8. Use neopagan terms like shaman, totem, crystal, chakra, etc and relate it in one sentence to ancient hellenic beliefs. Try to use as many as you can in one sentence. If you can use at least 3, the awesomeness is apparent.

9. Snark for goodness sakes!


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